Skip to main content

Priorities

Let's talk about them.

I understand that not everyone's priorities are the same as mine. I understand that people who work with me may not feel as strongly about my dreams and goals as I do. I understand that at some point decisions have to be made about whether good business practices or making people happy is more important. I understand that at some point in my life, I am going to have to choose where my loyalties lie and stop putting so many things on my plate to focus on the most important ones.

I don't understand why this summer people around me cannot seem to understand the importance of fulfilling their commitments. I don't understand why decisions are being made about my show without consulting me OR the producer in the name of good business. I don't understand why it is so hard for some people to make room in their schedule for things. I don't understand why I continually put up with so much frustration from trying to do all and be all instead of picking and choosing.

Maybe it's because right now, I don't feel like I'm entitled to pick and choose, like I need to take everything I can get and learn as much as possible while I can. Maybe I put up with people treating me badly because I'm scared that if I walk away, there won't be another place for me. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations of people, and thus I struggle to understand why camp or my show or whatever else isn't the biggest, most important thing in their life.

After all, it was my dream and not theirs. This is literally my entire life. If I could open a youth arts center and run programs like Journeys all the time, I would be entirely fulfilled and happy in my life no matter what relationships I did or did not have. My biggest priority is to improve the quality of life for children through theatre. That is my priority, and it's all I want to do every day of my life. I don't care if I'm not making lots of money. I don't care if it's hard to find a permanent job. I don't care if I have to spend most of the money I make on those children in order to reach them and encourage them to dream. None of those things matter to me because I know that as long as I am teaching children, watching them grow, making them feel important, I will be happy and well.

Adults are the ones with whom I tend to have problems.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Love Monologue from the movie Stardust

Yvaine: You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it; I've seen centuries and centuries of it. It's the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All the wars, pain, lies, and hate, made me want to turn away and never look down again. But to see the way that mankind loves! I mean you could search the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So, yes I know that love is unconditional, but I also know it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable, and strangely easy to mistake for loathing. And, well, what I'm trying to say, Tristan, is.. I think I love you. My heart it feels like my chest can barely contain it, like it doesn't belong to me anymore; it belongs to you, and if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange: no gifts, no goods, no demonstrations of devotion, nothing, but knowing you love me, too. Just your heart in exchange for min...
7 comments
Read more

Why Lent?

Earlier today, I tweeted something about Lent, and then I decided that my impression of this tradition is far too complicated to confine to tweets. Essentially, I do not understand the point of Lent the way that most people choose to celebrate it. I get the basics of it, you give up something for 40 days because Jesus wandered the desert for 40 days while fasting, and you want to show Him your love and devotion by giving up something of yours for Him. Here's the thing, though, after those 40 days, Jesus went out and began His ministry. His 40 days of fasting were in preparation for Him to give His life to the salvation of the world. The idea behind Lent is that if you give up these things that we don't realize we spend so much time doing, you can then devote that time and energy to God through service, prayer, devotional time, etc. Lent is supposed to be a time where you not just make a sacrifice of something you like but where you spend time reestablishing your connection with...
2 comments
Read more

I am not okay...

For weeks now, I have been in a downward spiral. I don't know when it started or why, but I have reached the point where I no longer feel in control, a point that I have been terrified of since I first sought help a year and a half ago. I feel constantly lonely, searching for companionship in the worlds of fantasy TV shows and books, just like I did with Harry Potter when I was growing up. I can't sleep at night. I fear the loneliness, so I keep reading or watching TV because I know as soon as I stop I will feel the weight of my world pinning me to my bed with no where else to go, no one to lay next to me and hold me and bear part of the weight with me. My ability to be rational or reasonable, all of my strength and confidence, they've disappeared. Instead, I go day-to-day mostly just existing until the night hits, and then I just feel pain. I can't remember the last night I didn't lay in my bed and cry. I have shut down, and the only reaction I have to anything is...
2 comments
Read more