Guys/boys/men of the small part of the world this post will reach:
I have said it before, but I am going to say it again: contrary to what our society has pushed as a truth about the female gender, we DO NOT want to be lied to. I am not sure where the whole, "Honey, does this dress make me look fat," scenario started, but I want to assure you that the correct answer is your honest opinion. If a woman asks such a question, it is because they look in the mirror and feel that that particular article of clothing draws unwanted attention to a particular part of their body about which they are insecure. Now, if you agree with her about that, you should tell her. Not that she looks fat because most men, I have learned, do not generally think of the woman they love as fat, but tell her the truth: that it fits her weird, that you like it when she wears things that accentuate XYZ instead of ABC, etc. Or if you don't have an opinion, honestly tell her that you just don't know much about clothes so you can't tell. Or you tell her that she looks stunning and the dress fits her perfectly. Whatever the TRUTH may be.
Here's the thing about women: we are all insecure about some part(s) of our bodies. For a lot of us, there are things we look in the mirror and KNOW could be changed about our bodies if we just worked at it. For example, I look in the mirror, and I KNOW I am overweight. I know it, and no one could deny that I am and make me believe it. So, if I put on something that, for example, overly accentuated how much weight I have in my stomach and then ask someone what they think of it, and they lie to me and tell me it looks good, that just increases my insecurity because I know I'm being lied to, and the more such things happen, the less I begin to believe them when they are actually true, make sense?
I have only really been alive for the last 2 dozen years, so I cannot speak much about the past or a time when women were not supposed to ask questions and men were not expected to be honest with them, but I can speak of the state of this issue now. What I have found that most young women my age are craving from men is not flattery, showy affection, professions of your undying love, or the knowledge that they are the most sexually attractive woman you have ever seen. It isn't about finding the person they want to marry, the person they want to have kids with, or someone who will love them forever. They aren't looking for you to treat them like they can't do anything for themselves or like some prize that you have won. Young women are looking for honesty. It's honesty and genuineness and realness and trust that they want from men. They don't just want it, they CRAVE it.
In this world of text messages and facebook chats and being able to simply turn your phone off when you don't want someone to bother you, it has become so incredibly easy for people to lie to each other. Trust me, I know from personal experience how much easier it has been for me to lie because of technology because if I had had to lie to some people to their face, I wouldn't have done it. Most of the time, I don't think men are lying to be malicious, that they don't hide the truth because they're doing something so terribly awful that it can't be forgiven, but... it's just so easy to change, "Meeting up with my ex to talk some things out," to, "Meeting up with a friend," when you don't have to say it in person. And maybe that meet up with your ex was entirely innocent, maybe you both had some things you needed to say, but just... DO NOT LIE ABOUT IT. I promise, a reasonable woman will not freak out if you tell her the truth about what you are doing. In fact, women can be extremely rational in the face of the truth.
Here's an example: Once upon a time, I was casually dating a guy who I was really interested in, and he was also casually dating another girl. For months and months he strung me along, saying he was going to end it with her and make the only one. The longer it went on, the more anxious and stressed and emotional I became about it, wondering why he wouldn't just do it. It was killing me. I can remember, to this day, the weight and the pain of that time of my life. It was awful. I knew he was lying, I knew he was playing a game, I knew he was stringing me along because let's face it if a guy his age could get away with having two girls throw themselves at him, why wouldn't he keep it going? There were times when I was almost inconsolably upset about it, when I would have anxiety attacks over it. It was awful. Then one day, I finally talked him into a corner and made him tell me the truth, that he was never going be with just me, he'd rather be with just her. And I said okay, thank you for being honest with me, and I walked away from it.
Women have this reputation of being dramatic and emotional, but really the problem is that we are very intuitive, and for the most part we know when we are being lied to, cheated on, or just generally deceived which causes stress and anxiety which leads to heightened emotional responses. The more we are treated this way, the more "dramatic" we act, and unfortunately I have found that a lot of young women will allow themselves to be in relationships where they are being deceived for any number of reasons, and having been there myself, I know it isn't necessarily an easy cycle to break. Getting out of one bad relationship doesn't mean you won't end up in another one.
But I KNOW that not all the guys my age in this world are bad, and I know that some of the lying that happens really isn't to hide anything horribly, unforgivably wrong, but do the women in your life a favor, and just tell the truth. Stop making excuses, apologies, and wishes to your women and just be honest. Stop giving compliments that aren't genuine or saying I love you without meaning it. Stop lying or telling only partial truths to "spare her feelings" and stop pretending she is the only one if she isn't. Any woman I know would rather have the truth and be hurt than have to live with that gnawing feeling inside of their heart and soul that begins when they know you're being untruthful. Just tell the truth.
I have said it before, but I am going to say it again: contrary to what our society has pushed as a truth about the female gender, we DO NOT want to be lied to. I am not sure where the whole, "Honey, does this dress make me look fat," scenario started, but I want to assure you that the correct answer is your honest opinion. If a woman asks such a question, it is because they look in the mirror and feel that that particular article of clothing draws unwanted attention to a particular part of their body about which they are insecure. Now, if you agree with her about that, you should tell her. Not that she looks fat because most men, I have learned, do not generally think of the woman they love as fat, but tell her the truth: that it fits her weird, that you like it when she wears things that accentuate XYZ instead of ABC, etc. Or if you don't have an opinion, honestly tell her that you just don't know much about clothes so you can't tell. Or you tell her that she looks stunning and the dress fits her perfectly. Whatever the TRUTH may be.
Here's the thing about women: we are all insecure about some part(s) of our bodies. For a lot of us, there are things we look in the mirror and KNOW could be changed about our bodies if we just worked at it. For example, I look in the mirror, and I KNOW I am overweight. I know it, and no one could deny that I am and make me believe it. So, if I put on something that, for example, overly accentuated how much weight I have in my stomach and then ask someone what they think of it, and they lie to me and tell me it looks good, that just increases my insecurity because I know I'm being lied to, and the more such things happen, the less I begin to believe them when they are actually true, make sense?
I have only really been alive for the last 2 dozen years, so I cannot speak much about the past or a time when women were not supposed to ask questions and men were not expected to be honest with them, but I can speak of the state of this issue now. What I have found that most young women my age are craving from men is not flattery, showy affection, professions of your undying love, or the knowledge that they are the most sexually attractive woman you have ever seen. It isn't about finding the person they want to marry, the person they want to have kids with, or someone who will love them forever. They aren't looking for you to treat them like they can't do anything for themselves or like some prize that you have won. Young women are looking for honesty. It's honesty and genuineness and realness and trust that they want from men. They don't just want it, they CRAVE it.
In this world of text messages and facebook chats and being able to simply turn your phone off when you don't want someone to bother you, it has become so incredibly easy for people to lie to each other. Trust me, I know from personal experience how much easier it has been for me to lie because of technology because if I had had to lie to some people to their face, I wouldn't have done it. Most of the time, I don't think men are lying to be malicious, that they don't hide the truth because they're doing something so terribly awful that it can't be forgiven, but... it's just so easy to change, "Meeting up with my ex to talk some things out," to, "Meeting up with a friend," when you don't have to say it in person. And maybe that meet up with your ex was entirely innocent, maybe you both had some things you needed to say, but just... DO NOT LIE ABOUT IT. I promise, a reasonable woman will not freak out if you tell her the truth about what you are doing. In fact, women can be extremely rational in the face of the truth.
Here's an example: Once upon a time, I was casually dating a guy who I was really interested in, and he was also casually dating another girl. For months and months he strung me along, saying he was going to end it with her and make the only one. The longer it went on, the more anxious and stressed and emotional I became about it, wondering why he wouldn't just do it. It was killing me. I can remember, to this day, the weight and the pain of that time of my life. It was awful. I knew he was lying, I knew he was playing a game, I knew he was stringing me along because let's face it if a guy his age could get away with having two girls throw themselves at him, why wouldn't he keep it going? There were times when I was almost inconsolably upset about it, when I would have anxiety attacks over it. It was awful. Then one day, I finally talked him into a corner and made him tell me the truth, that he was never going be with just me, he'd rather be with just her. And I said okay, thank you for being honest with me, and I walked away from it.
Women have this reputation of being dramatic and emotional, but really the problem is that we are very intuitive, and for the most part we know when we are being lied to, cheated on, or just generally deceived which causes stress and anxiety which leads to heightened emotional responses. The more we are treated this way, the more "dramatic" we act, and unfortunately I have found that a lot of young women will allow themselves to be in relationships where they are being deceived for any number of reasons, and having been there myself, I know it isn't necessarily an easy cycle to break. Getting out of one bad relationship doesn't mean you won't end up in another one.
But I KNOW that not all the guys my age in this world are bad, and I know that some of the lying that happens really isn't to hide anything horribly, unforgivably wrong, but do the women in your life a favor, and just tell the truth. Stop making excuses, apologies, and wishes to your women and just be honest. Stop giving compliments that aren't genuine or saying I love you without meaning it. Stop lying or telling only partial truths to "spare her feelings" and stop pretending she is the only one if she isn't. Any woman I know would rather have the truth and be hurt than have to live with that gnawing feeling inside of their heart and soul that begins when they know you're being untruthful. Just tell the truth.
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