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Searching for Jobs & Self-Esteem

For a long time, I have always wondered how people get put on government assistance programs and then just... stay there without trying to get a job, but I think I am beginning to understand. After months of trying and having no luck finding a job, the idea of giving up is pretty much always at the forefront of my mind. I've come to realize it doesn't have anything to do with laziness or bad life decisions... it has to do with self-esteem. After being rejected by company after company, after applying for jobs that you're overqualified for, perfectly qualified for, and maybe a little underqualified for and not getting anything, it really begins to become a struggle to even put in an application. You just look at the screen and think, "They're not going to hire me either," and you close out of it.

And why shouldn't I feel that way? In a world where applying for jobs has become completely impersonal, where your application is filtered through a computer program before it ever even gets to a real person, hiring me is a risk. I spent 4 years working toward a degree that I didn't get. The longest I've ever worked somewhere was about 1 year... working 2 or 3 days a week... at a job on campus. The majority of my work experience is listed in titles that a computer program wouldn't connect to any job I'm applying for. I don't follow through, don't finish what I start, and I am flaky. According to the computer.

Never mind that I have been working as a volunteer for the same theatre for the last 10 years of my life. Or that I successfully started my own business, with no knowledge of how to do so, at the age of 20. It doesn't matter to the computer that I went to school, worked part time, and dedicated my time, energy, and resources to a school's struggling theatre program or gave up my Saturdays to direct a children's musical. Why should a business care that I work harder for the satisfaction of helping others than I do for my own personal gain? All of the things I've been through, the struggles I've faced, the knowledge and wisdom I've gained... that isn't important without a degree or at least 2 years of working at the same job.

The computer says I have no value. And when the computer is the one deciding where your résumé goes, it's the one that matters.

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