People often complain about my generation because we all grew up with everyone getting a trophy and somehow this has made us believe we are entitled to get whatever we want just for showing up, that because of that participation trophy, we do not know the meaning of hard work and disappointment. Honestly, I didn't play a lot of sports growing up, but those participation awards I did receive didn't mean anything to me, and I think most people of my generation will agree they hardly remember receiving them. I do, however, remember winning the science fair, a very tough English teacher praising my writing and telling me it was college-level, winning cheerleading competitions, having my poetry published, and landing speaking roles and solos in plays, musicals, and choir performances.
Perhaps more poignant than the successes, though, are the memories of the heart-breaking disappointment of failing. It is perhaps ironic that the area where I "failed" the most was also the area that I loved the most: theatre. I can't begin to tell you how many hours I spent crying and beating myself up over bad auditions, not getting the part I wanted, and sometimes over not getting a part at all. (The realization that I would never get to play Annie largely because I started wearing a bra when I was in the third grade was particularly devastating.) Through those perceived failures, however, I learned some of my most important life lessons, and I don't think they are the kind of lessons most people would expect to learn.
I learned the difference between being honest with myself and putting myself down. At some point in high school, I finally had to admit to myself that singing was not my strength. Yes, I could sing, I had a nice voice, but I was, at best, an inconsistent soloist. Instead, my strength as a performer was in acting. My capacity to understand the broad spectrum of human emotions, the fact that I felt my own emotions so strongly and had an incredible aptitude for translating written text into spoken words all made me a natural on stage. Though I wanted so badly to be the leading lady in the musical type of girl, I accepted that that would never be me. That is one of the first times I distinctly remember feeling that accepting myself for who I am and what I have to give is one of the best ways to find peace in life. Many people have told me they are impressed with how genuine I am, with how well I seem to know myself at my age, and I think this is where it started. We can't know ourselves unless we equally know the good and the bad, unless we see that what we are lacking in one area, we can balance out in another.
I learned that anytime you start somewhere new, you have to pay your dues. The first time you work with a new theatre group, you have to be there for every rehearsal, every set painting day, every publicity event, every other show that theatre is doing before your show goes up. You are always early and always prepared. You sit in the front row of music rehearsals, and you stand still and keep your mouth shut while you're blocking. You bring extra hair pins and offer to help with set changes and quick changes and to bring food for Long Sunday. You pay your dues. You become a rock. You are dependable and solid and dedicated. And you are exhausted and you've spent the last of your money on a paint run and no one in that audience is going to know how much you did for that show when you line up for curtain call with the other ensemble members. But that director will remember. That is a lesson I have carried with me into the many jobs I have had so far in my life. I have kept my head down and done what I had to do. I didn't draw attention to myself or complain about wanting extra praise or special treatment. I just paid my dues, and I waited until it was my turn.
I learned that being meek and being humble are not the same thing. It takes a confident person to be truly humble. Never standing up for yourself, never drawing a line, that isn't being humble. I have learned a great deal of humility running my summer camps and directing shows. Do I consider myself to be good at those things? For my experience level, yes. But when the audience is leaving and congratulating me on a great show, all I can do is smile, thank them, and tell them about how hard the cast worked, how far they came, how brave they were. Being humble, to me, means recognizing the part you had in something but equally recognizing that you could not have done it without the people around you.
I learned that just because your personality does not mix well with someone else's, that doesn't mean you can't work with them. The theatre world is full of passionate people with big personalities, and one of the best things I took away from that was learning how to be who I needed to be around the people with whom I was working. Even though I am leader, sometimes I need to be the follower, just to keep the peace. Even though I have good ideas, I have to listen to everyone else's and accept that someone else might have a better one. Sometimes you will not understand another person's sense of humor, and those dry, semi-insulting jokes they make may not be funny to you, but you have to learn to let them roll off you until there is a chance to discuss it in a respectful, non-hostile way. And when the energy of a group feels negative, I have to admit that I am part of the problem before I can expect anyone else to admit to it.
I learned that you have to be proactive. Paying your dues, being humble, becoming the person you have to be in a particular group are all important, but don't sit idle for too long. When you see an opportunity, you have to go for it, you have to say that you want it. The answer may be no, but at least you tried. You may think there's no way you will get that role they're auditioning for, but you don't know if you don't try. You can sit around and complain about someone in the cast who can never remember their lines, or you can go and offer to help them run their lines. You can stay up late partying and be dead at rehearsal the next morning, or you can be responsible and go to bed on time. Everyday, you have a choice to be proactive or reactive, and a lot of the time, I tend to be a more reactive person, but theatre pushed me to be a proactive person, to go after what I want, to search for solutions instead of problems.
So, maybe casting every kid who auditions for a musical is a bit like giving them a participation trophy, but being cast in the chorus changed my life. Maybe I do have a BA in Theatre with no job prospects in my field right now, but theatre taught me how to be successful in any job. It taught me about life, it taught me how to see the bigger picture while also seeing the details, it taught me that life is a balance between reason and emotion, that all people are complicated (not just me), that you can learn just as much by observing as you can by doing as long as you open your eyes. Theatre taught me that every failure is an opportunity to learn and grow and become better. Theatre has made me who I am in ways I may not ever understand completely.
Perhaps more poignant than the successes, though, are the memories of the heart-breaking disappointment of failing. It is perhaps ironic that the area where I "failed" the most was also the area that I loved the most: theatre. I can't begin to tell you how many hours I spent crying and beating myself up over bad auditions, not getting the part I wanted, and sometimes over not getting a part at all. (The realization that I would never get to play Annie largely because I started wearing a bra when I was in the third grade was particularly devastating.) Through those perceived failures, however, I learned some of my most important life lessons, and I don't think they are the kind of lessons most people would expect to learn.
I learned the difference between being honest with myself and putting myself down. At some point in high school, I finally had to admit to myself that singing was not my strength. Yes, I could sing, I had a nice voice, but I was, at best, an inconsistent soloist. Instead, my strength as a performer was in acting. My capacity to understand the broad spectrum of human emotions, the fact that I felt my own emotions so strongly and had an incredible aptitude for translating written text into spoken words all made me a natural on stage. Though I wanted so badly to be the leading lady in the musical type of girl, I accepted that that would never be me. That is one of the first times I distinctly remember feeling that accepting myself for who I am and what I have to give is one of the best ways to find peace in life. Many people have told me they are impressed with how genuine I am, with how well I seem to know myself at my age, and I think this is where it started. We can't know ourselves unless we equally know the good and the bad, unless we see that what we are lacking in one area, we can balance out in another.
I learned that anytime you start somewhere new, you have to pay your dues. The first time you work with a new theatre group, you have to be there for every rehearsal, every set painting day, every publicity event, every other show that theatre is doing before your show goes up. You are always early and always prepared. You sit in the front row of music rehearsals, and you stand still and keep your mouth shut while you're blocking. You bring extra hair pins and offer to help with set changes and quick changes and to bring food for Long Sunday. You pay your dues. You become a rock. You are dependable and solid and dedicated. And you are exhausted and you've spent the last of your money on a paint run and no one in that audience is going to know how much you did for that show when you line up for curtain call with the other ensemble members. But that director will remember. That is a lesson I have carried with me into the many jobs I have had so far in my life. I have kept my head down and done what I had to do. I didn't draw attention to myself or complain about wanting extra praise or special treatment. I just paid my dues, and I waited until it was my turn.
I learned that being meek and being humble are not the same thing. It takes a confident person to be truly humble. Never standing up for yourself, never drawing a line, that isn't being humble. I have learned a great deal of humility running my summer camps and directing shows. Do I consider myself to be good at those things? For my experience level, yes. But when the audience is leaving and congratulating me on a great show, all I can do is smile, thank them, and tell them about how hard the cast worked, how far they came, how brave they were. Being humble, to me, means recognizing the part you had in something but equally recognizing that you could not have done it without the people around you.
I learned that just because your personality does not mix well with someone else's, that doesn't mean you can't work with them. The theatre world is full of passionate people with big personalities, and one of the best things I took away from that was learning how to be who I needed to be around the people with whom I was working. Even though I am leader, sometimes I need to be the follower, just to keep the peace. Even though I have good ideas, I have to listen to everyone else's and accept that someone else might have a better one. Sometimes you will not understand another person's sense of humor, and those dry, semi-insulting jokes they make may not be funny to you, but you have to learn to let them roll off you until there is a chance to discuss it in a respectful, non-hostile way. And when the energy of a group feels negative, I have to admit that I am part of the problem before I can expect anyone else to admit to it.
I learned that you have to be proactive. Paying your dues, being humble, becoming the person you have to be in a particular group are all important, but don't sit idle for too long. When you see an opportunity, you have to go for it, you have to say that you want it. The answer may be no, but at least you tried. You may think there's no way you will get that role they're auditioning for, but you don't know if you don't try. You can sit around and complain about someone in the cast who can never remember their lines, or you can go and offer to help them run their lines. You can stay up late partying and be dead at rehearsal the next morning, or you can be responsible and go to bed on time. Everyday, you have a choice to be proactive or reactive, and a lot of the time, I tend to be a more reactive person, but theatre pushed me to be a proactive person, to go after what I want, to search for solutions instead of problems.
So, maybe casting every kid who auditions for a musical is a bit like giving them a participation trophy, but being cast in the chorus changed my life. Maybe I do have a BA in Theatre with no job prospects in my field right now, but theatre taught me how to be successful in any job. It taught me about life, it taught me how to see the bigger picture while also seeing the details, it taught me that life is a balance between reason and emotion, that all people are complicated (not just me), that you can learn just as much by observing as you can by doing as long as you open your eyes. Theatre taught me that every failure is an opportunity to learn and grow and become better. Theatre has made me who I am in ways I may not ever understand completely.
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