Unwritten

This is my first official post from Ball State!! I'm loving it here sooo much! My room is really awesome, and Nicole (my roommate) is really nice. The first night and day here were a little rough because Nicole wasn't here so I had to stay alone that night, and then she had plans to meet a friend for lunch. I've made a friend though, and I can't wait for classes to start so that I have something to do! I really like it here. I feel... content. And content is good.

I'm so sick of hearing the phrase, "I wish." For once in my life, I want a guy who doesn't say, "I wish I could be there." I want a guy who will get all my texts ranting about my shitty day and get his ass in his car and drive over to see me even if it's just for 2 minutes to give me a hug and make me feel better. I'm no longer settling for, "I wish." Talk is cheap. If guys really wished that as much as they said it, they'd fucking do something about it instead of just saying that. But you know what? Most of them don't wish it. Most of them don't give a shit whether I've had a bad day or not. Most them, as a matter of fact, don't want to see a girl or even talk to her if she's had a bad day, and they just say, "I wish I could be there," to pacify us into believing that they actually care. If they did, they'd do something instead of just talking all the time. I mean, I know sometimes it's true that...

The past few weeks, I've had a lot of time to myself. In that time I've been doing a lot of nothing, and a lot of reading Harry Potter, but I've also been doing a lot of thinking. It's given me a lot of time to examine myself and my life so far, and I've made a decision. Instead of leaving for college viewing it as I did last year, as an end... an end to high school, to summer, to great friendships, I'm going to view it as a beginning. This is my chance to start clean, a fresh slate. It's like Kristin's mom was saying to me last night about Grant leaving for the academy; it's a chance to downplay all those things you didn't like about yourself and to focus on the things about yourself that you value most. I've also decided that I'm going to work really hard at school this year. I'm going to pay attention in classes and take good notes and not wait until the last minute to do homework. I'm also going to start taking better care of ...