Unwritten

Peace. I can't remember the last time I could sit alone in my room and truly say that I felt at peace. I have homework that needs to get done, shows I need to prepare for, camps that need planned, and yet I don't want to do any of it. I just want to sit here and soak in this feeling, and honestly I don't feel the slightest bit of guilt for putting everything else off. For the first time in my life, I feel like my life is how it is supposed to be. I don't need to be busy or have new projects to work on or bother my exboyfriend or desperately try to find someone to hang out with in order to feel happy. I am happy just sitting here, just being. It is a feeling I've never experienced before, and yet it is probably the most beautiful thing I have yet to feel in my life. I don't know whether to smile or laugh or cry or dance or... all of the above! After so many years of feeling trapped and having this inexplicable urge to run, I finally feel free. For so long I have ...

So, I bought a journal today, and perhaps I will write something in it later, but I figured what I want to say right now is something that the whole world can read if they want. In high school, there are people we just end up being friends with, people we are friends with because we're too nice to blow them off, and people who are our friends because they're too nice to blow US off. Then, there are the people you looked at, almost with a longing, just wishing to be their friend. I don't necessarily mean the popular girls who could get whatever they wanted; I never wanted to be one of those girls. I mean those people you found so interesting, so kind, so... intriguing that you just wanted to get to know them and were convinced that if you could just learn more about each other you could become the best of friends. There's always some reason, though, that you never make that connection with these people. It might be because you already have friends and don't think abo...

There are a lot of things I don't understand, and far too many things that I don't know. 2010 was not an easy year, but it was definitely a year that took me on a journey, and I have changed more in the last year than I ever have before. I think, though, that I didn't realize the biggest way I had changed until yesterday when I was leaving my cousin Stephanie's hospital room and looked over to see my cousin Chase gazing at his new son in my aunt's arms. The look on his face was so incredibly beautiful it could have brought tears to my eyes, and that was the moment I realized that that was what I wanted: someone who wants to go through life's journeys with me. I have never been the kind of girl who could just let go of people. I fall too fast, love too hard, and get my hopes up too high. I give so much more to most people than I ever receive in return, but I blame my mother for teaching me to do that. I hold on to people until I have no other choice but to let th...