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The Wavepool

Remember when you were a kid, and you'd go to a water park, and at first the wave pool seemed really fun, but then you'd get brave and go out too deep, and the waves would catch you and be coming so fast you can't really get a breath, and you would get so scared that you weren't going to be able to swim back to where you could touch, and you're accidentally swallowing water and swimming as best as you can while your heart pounds?

Eventually, you did always make it back to where you could touch or at least to the wall where you could hold on until the waves stopped. That didn't matter, though, because every time the waves started, and you began to feel like you were drowning, you were terrified. Yet for some reason, you would keep swimming out to where you couldn't touch, even when no one was asking you to go with them or expecting you to follow them. Maybe because almost dying was exciting or maybe because you wanted to challenge yourself or maybe you just couldn't say no, not even to yourself.

This is my life right now.

If I just keep swimming, eventually I'll get my feet back on the ground, but right now I can feel the waves pulling me back. I'm a strong swimmer, but if I get a cramp in my leg, will the lifeguard notice, will he be there to jump in and save me? The idea of leaving my life in his hands isn't very appealing. So, swim on, I shall...

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