Unwritten

I started this blog almost a week ago... maybe now I can bring myself to finish it. I have been struggling with how to start this blog since the moment I got in the car and drove away from the cast party 30 minutes ago. As soon as the silence washed over me, I felt the need to write, to reflect, and to hopefully find some new meaning to all of the emotions whirring around inside of me. As I was on the road home, alone without even the radio turned on to keep me company, this vision of my future overwhelmed me. I suddenly felt as though it was very possible that I would be making a drive home like this every night in the future... the sky is beginning to get dark, I'm alone in the car with my thoughts, knowing that I am going home to an empty apartment, to an empty bed, to a daily life of dinner alone. Sure, I had pondered that possibility before from the dark gloom of depression and low self-esteem, but until tonight it had never seemed real to me. In that short drive, I was truly ...

Wow!!! It has been awhile since I took this long to write in my blog. Life has been... insane lately to say the least, but I am glad to finally have some time to pause and reflect now. Since I last updated, I have gone through 2 boyfriends which seems... astonishing to me. The even more astonishing part is that I broke up with them. This has lead me to the conclusion that dating sites are not for me. I am a very special person: that is what I have discovered in the recent months. I am a special person who can do things that most people can't, who does things that many others are too scared to do. It will take another very special person to love me the way I want and need to be loved. They will have to love, not just me, but also the work that I do, the passion I have, and the difference that I make. Usually, they will not be the first priority in my life, and they would have to accept that without resentment or jealousy. These kids I work with, they will come first. Recently, I hav...