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People Change

Wow!!! It has been awhile since I took this long to write in my blog. Life has been... insane lately to say the least, but I am glad to finally have some time to pause and reflect now. Since I last updated, I have gone through 2 boyfriends which seems... astonishing to me. The even more astonishing part is that I broke up with them. This has lead me to the conclusion that dating sites are not for me.

I am a very special person: that is what I have discovered in the recent months. I am a special person who can do things that most people can't, who does things that many others are too scared to do. It will take another very special person to love me the way I want and need to be loved. They will have to love, not just me, but also the work that I do, the passion I have, and the difference that I make. Usually, they will not be the first priority in my life, and they would have to accept that without resentment or jealousy. These kids I work with, they will come first.

Recently, I have found myself reconnecting with someone from my past... the first boyfriend I ever had. To say we have both changed over the years would be an indecently large understatement. The distance he has gone in his life so far, the things he has accomplished, the way he worked so hard for the life he wanted are just truly inspiring to me. Sometimes, I sit here and wonder if he is as proud of me as I am of him. We went through some really difficult years together, years that I'm not sure either of us thought would end at the time (the perks of being adolescents, I suppose), and yet here we both are. We both have big dreams and high expectations for ourselves, we've both grown up a lot, we have both developed this incredible capacity to love others and to want to make a difference. Though the faith we once shared has taken two different directions in our lives, we both understand and accept differences that we wouldn't have really even tolerated before. I am so proud of who he has become.

I am also proud of who I have become. I have learned to respect myself and expect others to show me the respect I show them. I have found my voice and the way I use it best. In the last 4 years, I have failed and fallen to a shocking depth, but I have also found success and climbed higher than I ever thought I would. So, no... no more dating sites for me. No more searching for a boyfriend. He will find me when it is supposed to happen, but otherwise... I am fine with just me, my family and friends, and the awesome kids who bring light and passion to my life every day. I am content.

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