My Path to Pride

When people meet me now, I think they assume I have always held the beliefs I have now, and I suppose on some fundamental level maybe I have. I have always believed in the power of love and the importance of working to make the world a better place, but those things used to look a lot different to me.

When I was in high school, I was very religious. Actually, I don’t want to use the word religious because that implies there is something implicitly wrong with being religious, and there’s not. I know a lot of truly wonderful people who are also deeply religious. I guess maybe dogmatic is a better word? In high school, I said and did some pretty awful things in the name of religion. I told a new kid who transferred  to Avon that I didn’t care if he was gay, just don’t be gay in front of me. I joked with a friend about making and wearing anti-gay shirts to school. I used to use the word gay as an insult or the phrase, “she looks like a lesbian,” to describe someone’s personal style. And at one point, I took part in kicking a girl off the leadership team for our Christian club because she was bisexual. This wasn’t just any girl either. This was a girl who had been a steadfast close friend since the third grade, who even stuck by my side through those awful middle school years. And I betrayed all of those years of knowing her and receiving her unconditional love in the name of my religion.

That relationship never recovered.

I never tell these stories about myself because I don’t like them. They are ugly and embarrassing. I hate remembering that version of myself. I behaved in ways that are unforgivable and hurt people with whom I will never be able to make amends. That doesn’t sit well with me. But I think it is important to share them. I was not one of those kids who grew up thinking everyone should be able to love whoever they want. It was a journey, and it took hurting a lot of people who didn’t deserve it for me to realize there was a better way to love people and make the world a better place than to try to guide them away from their so-called sinful lives and Save them.

It was a couple years after high school when I walked away from my church and my religion because as I sat in a sermon one Sunday I realized that my best friend at the time who was gay would not have been welcome in my church. Sure they would have smiled at him and clapped him on the shoulder and told him how much God loves him, but eventually the conversation would have turned to him needing to turn away from his sinful life. After that day, I never went back, and I have never regretted that decision. I have a lot less guilt in my life, and my anxiety over my personal life is far less intense. I have met people of all different gender identities and sexualities, and you know what they all have in common? They all want to spread love and happiness in this world. They are all human beings who deserve respect and dignity. They are all just people who work and pay taxes and eat and sleep and worry about bills and need a doctor when they are a sick and police to protect them when they are in danger. We are all one people, and for all the ways we are different, we are also the same.

Happy Pride, y’all!