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WOAAH

Oh hey blog! How the heck are ya doin?

Apparently, I haven't updated this thing since January 6. That was a long time ago. I feel like I've grown up about five years since then. Of course, that may just be because it seems like this semester has been five years long. The past five months have been the hardest, most frustrating, craziest months of my life, and yet as I sit here, I feel oddly fulfilled and accomplished. I still have to get through two finals on Friday, but other than that, I'm finished. And that feels so weird to me. I can't quite comprehend it yet, you know? I'm still laying here thinking about school, and I'm not feeling that usual contentment one feels at the end of a semester.

For awhile, I wasn't sure how I would survive. I suffered silently in my room, spending my spare time in my bed crying. It was hard to keep moving forward. So many times I felt like just giving up and finding another way to do what I wanted to do. Then I would get on Facebook, and see one of my HCT kids post a status, and I knew I had to keep going... for them and for all the kids out there who are going to come across my path somehow. I will never say I did this alone, though, because I most certainly didn't. I made some amazing friends this semester, a family, and I wouldn't have traded a single one of them for anything. They kept me going, picking me up off the floor and propelling me forward through the endless weeks of late nights, confusing classes, and stressful rehearsals. This semester, I did something that I don't think I've ever done before: I called a friend and straight out asked for help, and they came faithfully to my side to save me.

It wasn't just my family at school that has changed me, though. There's someone else who came into my life at one of the lowest points I've been in for over a year, and even though he barely knew me, right from the beginning he was there for me, talking to me, wanting nothing more than to make things better. It's odd, in a way, because when he is even the slightest bit upset, I feel so awful for him, and all I want is to fix his heart so that it's not broken anymore, to make him see how truly incredible he is; I want him to have the kind of love he deserves, a love so pure and deep that it heals your past wounds and makes you feel whole again. That's a love I can never give him, but I wish I could because he deserves nothing less than someone's complete love and devotion, their whole heart.

So, here I sit feeling incredibly blessed and thankful and accomplished. I have learned so much about myself, and 2010 is turning out to be an incredible year of change and friends and exciting opportunities. I have a summer ahead of me of doing the things that I love and spending time with friends I've hardly seen since the beginning of the school year. I miss school, though, I honestly do. Not the classes and the work and the stress, but I miss being there with my friends and being content. Right now, I feel like I'm just sitting here waiting in anticipation for something to happen, for me to be able to do something, take my next big adventure.

My Next Big Adventure: Journeys Theatre Camp 2010 :-)

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