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The Love Judge

I am fairly certain that anyone who has even taken a peak at my blog could tell you that I believe that we shouldn't judge other people based on their love. As long as it isn't harming anyone, we shouldn't place any parameters on what is and isn't love because, let's face it, this world could use a whole lot more love. So why, then, am I so quick to judge my own love?

I try to tell myself that this... whatever it is that I am in right now isn't real, that somehow just because I haven't met John face-to-face yet, the feelings can't be true. Who am I to say that when I know, from personal experience, that it is possible to truly love someone you haven't met? I loved Allen for a long time before I met him in person. Granted, it was the kind of love that a depressed 13 year old girl could give, but it WAS love. Why now do I think I have the right to tell my heart that this is or isn't the real thing? Why am I trying to be sensible and rational about something that hasn't made rational sense to anyone since the beginning of the human race? Why do I care what other people think about my relationship? What difference does it make if they want to judge it? Why can't I just stop judging my own feelings and let myself fall? Why am I acting like a crazy person to try to monopolize his attention and affection because I feel insecure when he offered me security, and I turned it down?

Maybe if I stopped trying to understand and control it all, maybe if I just let myself fall like I did when I was 13, then I wouldn't feel so scared of it.

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