Oh, boys... guys... men... pigs... (jk) whatever you want to call them. It definitely is a, "Can't live with them, can't live without them," sort of thing isn't it? I am currently single, and I am sure that will surprise no one. It isn't that I want to be single, by any means. I was dumped a few weeks ago by this guy named Cody. I say dumped and not broken up with because the jackass broke up with me via text messaging. Then later that night he tried to tell me he made a mistake. I had already fallen for that game of his about 3 times this summer, though, so I told him no that I wouldn't take him back. I don't miss him. Or maybe I do. No I don't miss him. I miss the idea of him. I miss the person he was before he moved back home (long story).
So, now I've been talking to his guy I dated last year named Kevin whom I broke up with when I went to college in the fall because I thought this guy Sonny and I were going to get together. Then we never did. That's another very long and complicated story that involved lies, Sonny getting kicked of school, and me having a mental breakdown and dropping out. I still talk to Sonny a lot, and we're still really good friends. I still have feelings for him, but I don't know.
I'm not sure I want to be back with Kevin, either though. I mean, I miss him and his sweetness, but I don't feel like he wants to get close to me again... like he has no desire to build a relationship with me and that he just wants sex. I'm sure that's not true, and I'm sure that's just me and my paranoia over guys making me feel that way, but idk. Seems like conversations about sex are the only kind that hold his interest. I guess he is a 17-year-old guy, though, and that I shouldn't expect much more of him. When we first dated, though, he made me smile so much. He made me really happy until the last couple months we were together and things started to go bad. I want to find that again... rekindle those good feelings, but idk. Doesn't seem that he's interested in that right now. Maybe that's just because he still has a girlfriend who he's "trying" to break up with by "easing out of the relationship." Sounds like bullshit to me, but whatever. I'm gone in a month. He'll have to make his decision soon. I refuse to be his second choice.
But Sonny... ugh. Idk. I think I will always have feelings for him. Unrequited love and whatnot. There's just something about him. As soon as I met him, there was just this, like, connection. I know, I know I usually roll my eyes at people who say shit like that, too, but with Sonny it's true. When I met him I just instantly knew that we would understand each other, that he was someone I could always be honest with and not be afraid of judgement. Before all the drama went down at college, we used to sit outside and just talk for hours and hours and before we knew it, it'd be 2 in the morning, and we'd been eaten alive by mosquitoes. When I started falling apart, he gave me his jacket because he couldn't stay in my dorm all the time to keep me company. I remember curling up in the jacket and just feeling this peace... because it smelled like him. Things got so bad with me that I ended up in the hospital, and he went with me. He sat in the room with me and held my hand. He's the only boyfriend-type person to ever do that for me. Secretly (or I guess not so secretly now), I still want to be with him... despite all the drama and the baggage and the issues, I still want to be with him. But I can't. Because he loves someone else.
So does Kevin.
So does Cody.
Story of my life, apparently.
Another new positive to going to school: Meeting new guys.
So, now I've been talking to his guy I dated last year named Kevin whom I broke up with when I went to college in the fall because I thought this guy Sonny and I were going to get together. Then we never did. That's another very long and complicated story that involved lies, Sonny getting kicked of school, and me having a mental breakdown and dropping out. I still talk to Sonny a lot, and we're still really good friends. I still have feelings for him, but I don't know.
I'm not sure I want to be back with Kevin, either though. I mean, I miss him and his sweetness, but I don't feel like he wants to get close to me again... like he has no desire to build a relationship with me and that he just wants sex. I'm sure that's not true, and I'm sure that's just me and my paranoia over guys making me feel that way, but idk. Seems like conversations about sex are the only kind that hold his interest. I guess he is a 17-year-old guy, though, and that I shouldn't expect much more of him. When we first dated, though, he made me smile so much. He made me really happy until the last couple months we were together and things started to go bad. I want to find that again... rekindle those good feelings, but idk. Doesn't seem that he's interested in that right now. Maybe that's just because he still has a girlfriend who he's "trying" to break up with by "easing out of the relationship." Sounds like bullshit to me, but whatever. I'm gone in a month. He'll have to make his decision soon. I refuse to be his second choice.
But Sonny... ugh. Idk. I think I will always have feelings for him. Unrequited love and whatnot. There's just something about him. As soon as I met him, there was just this, like, connection. I know, I know I usually roll my eyes at people who say shit like that, too, but with Sonny it's true. When I met him I just instantly knew that we would understand each other, that he was someone I could always be honest with and not be afraid of judgement. Before all the drama went down at college, we used to sit outside and just talk for hours and hours and before we knew it, it'd be 2 in the morning, and we'd been eaten alive by mosquitoes. When I started falling apart, he gave me his jacket because he couldn't stay in my dorm all the time to keep me company. I remember curling up in the jacket and just feeling this peace... because it smelled like him. Things got so bad with me that I ended up in the hospital, and he went with me. He sat in the room with me and held my hand. He's the only boyfriend-type person to ever do that for me. Secretly (or I guess not so secretly now), I still want to be with him... despite all the drama and the baggage and the issues, I still want to be with him. But I can't. Because he loves someone else.
So does Kevin.
So does Cody.
Story of my life, apparently.
Another new positive to going to school: Meeting new guys.
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