Unwritten

It is simply incredible to me how much a person can change in one year of his or her life. I mean, if you don't believe me, scroll back in this blog to a year ago and start reading. Sure, I still struggle today with some of the same things I struggled with a year ago, but I am a different person. This time last year, I was crying myself to sleep every night, feeling scared and trapped and wanting to be at home where life was comfortable. Tonight, though, the best word I can use to describe my current state is empowered. They say that knowledge is power, but I think that a lot of people consider this phrase in far too narrow of a context. I don't think it's referring simply to the kind of knowledge you get from reading books or performing scientific experiments because there's a kind of knowledge that is far more powerful, and that is the knowledge you gain through experience and self-reflection. By taking time to just step back for a bit and consider how different I am ...

"Now looking back on it all, it seems like I had learned everything I needed to know about life by the time I was sixteen. The problem was, I somehow forgot it all. Maybe if I could explain it to someone else; capture it all this way, and keep it folded up, filed away in a corner of my mind, I could keep from having to repeat the same mistakes. There was drama, there was conflict... but for the most part, I was incredibly happy. I was happy because I had my friends, and I had love. But high school ended, one day at a time. Months and years passed, and I grew more distant from each of my friends. Various people flew in and out of my life. I lost some friends to distance, some to circumstance. Mostly, they just drifted away from me, toward their own lives. A few of these people are still in my life, and I'm very lucky, because not everyone still has a friend who knew them when they were sixteen. It wasn't exactly knowledge I had back then. It was just the sort of naive wisdo...

The past few weeks have been very hard for me. I've felt restless and alone and honestly sort of forgotten. I mean, I guess this is all part of growing up, right? Not being able to spend as much time with friends because they have to work and things like that. Don't get me wrong, I have had an absolutely incredible summer. So many great things have happened, and I've connected and reconnected with a lot of really great people. I have just spent so much time the last few weeks sitting in my room with nothing to do, though, and I have struggled with myself trying to figure out why I feel so unhappy. At first, I thought it was because I wanted a guy, a relationship, someone to love me and care about me and want to be with me. I think I just blame so much of my insecurity and loneliness on not having a boyfriend, but I'm starting to think that maybe that's not it. I think what I'm lacking is companionship and feeling like I can be completely open with people. I miss...

Single There is a beauty inside of me That it seems no man will see. A heart of warmth and gold, A love yearning to unfold. I know there’s more to me Than what immediately meets the eye, But for some reason, They don’t think the prize to be worth the try. Some days I stand in stillness, Gazing at myself in the mirror And wondering what it could possibly be about me That makes guys want to steer clear. I know I’ll never be the prettiest girl, And my coolness is probably a bit lacking, But I have so much love inside to give And passion that seems worth matching. So why is it that every night I am lying in this bed all alone Waiting and waiting for anyone to come forward But just falling asleep clutching my phone? People always try to tell me He’s out there somewhere waiting, This wonderful man who is worthy Of all these nights my heart spends aching. I suppose I’ll believe it when I see it, When my goodnight, someone has a name. Until that day comes, I can’t help but wonder Will he reall...

I love having you in my life. You don't sugar coat everything or boost my self-esteem every time I text you at night out of loneliness. I love that we have so much in common and that when we start talking, it seems like the topics are endless. I love that I can associate you with a dream come true and that you are just as excited to keep living that dream as I am. I love that my past isn't a shadow lurking behind us. I love the way you look at me with those blue eyes when you're being playful and the way you are perfectly content to just chill with me. I love that I'm not afraid to let my intelligence show when I'm around you. I love that you make me laugh and every time I get a text from you, I can't help but smile. I love that I never have to doubt that you'll come through for me. I love that I trust you. I love knowing that you'll be there for me when I need you most. I love how strong you are. I love that my family and friends like you and that you f...