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A New Kind of Love

This past week has been an emotional roller coaster. One minute I am happy, and the next minute I feel like my heart is breaking. I have struggled, cried, had an anxiety attack, and yesterday I was very close to giving up on Ben and I. That voice in my head just kept telling me to run away, that it wasn't worth all of this. Then, though, there was this other voice in my heart telling me to stay because that is what true love is, being there for each other when things aren't easy and just getting through those hard times the best that you can together.

Ben and I talked almost all night, and it took hours of crying and pouring my heart out to figure out what it was that I really needed from him right now. Finally, though, we got there. He's not doing any better than he was yesterday, and yet today I woke up with a renewed sense of hope and patience. I have let go of my obsession with trying to fix him because I finally realized that I have to stop being afraid of him being like other guys I've dated. He isn't, and he's proved that over and over again. I can trust that he is going to keep his word and not disappoint me, so it isn't doing either of us any good for me to keep pushing the issue. Ben has never let me down, and the best thing I can do to help him now is to be a source of light and comfort and love for him like I was when all of this started.

Last night, I felt like we came over this huge hurdle in our relationship, and we are closer because of it. I know that I am not like other girls to him because he hasn't given up on us and let me go like he did with other girls when he has been like this before. I know that he isn't like other guys to me because he got a really good look at how emotional I can be, and yet he is still here. This isn't some whirlwind romance I am tricking myself into believing is love. I'm not embellishing the details or seeing things as better than they are. Contrary to popular belief, love isn't blind. When love is real, I think you see that other person for all that they are, both the good and the bad, and yet you never stop loving them.

Tonight I can't help but look forward to what is to come. For the first time in a few weeks, I think about him and get butterflies instead of anxiety. I just keep smiling as I think about what things will be like once he gets through this and once things are better because I know that he will love me in a way that I have never been loved before, the way I have always wanted to be. I know that because that's just how things have always been with us. He says that one of the reasons he loves me is because I introduced him to so many new things in life, and he has done the same for me. So, yes, I without a doubt believe that when he gets better (and he will very soon), it will be a new kind of love for both of us.

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