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Dating

Let's be honest, I suck at it. I really do. I don't mean like in a relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend. I mean actual dating, where you just hang out and there's some sort of physical relationship involved, but pretty much there's no spoken commitment to each other. I seriously just can't do it. I meet a guy, and I like him, and I immediately want the emotional commitment: talking a lot, spending time together, him being there for me when I need him or am having a bad day. I try so freaking hard to not be that way and give him space and not come to him whenever I am upset or lonely, but for some reason I just keep messing things up. Guys see me like that, and they automatically think that I am going to be a super needy, clingy girlfriend who wants to know everything they're doing all the time, and that's not me. As soon as I am in a relationship, it's like I'm a different person. I'm so much more fun and laid back. So, why can't I be that way before I am in a relationship with someone? I have no idea why, but it is starting to frustrate the hell out of me!

Am I seriously still so emotionally unstable that I can't handle it? And why can I be the most confident person in the world with everything except dating? Everyone always says that you should just be yourself, that someone will come along and love you for who you are, but I don't think that's true. You want to know why? Because I HATE that part of myself, and no one is going to love a part of me that I loathe with my entire being. I have tried everything that everyone has ever suggested to me to try and not be that way, but nothing has worked. I just keep hoping that someone will come along who will take a chance on me, who will see that there is something inside of me that is worth it if they will just be patient through the first part of getting to know me.

The worst part is that I know I'm doing it. I know when I am being too sensitive or too emotional or too clingy or too needy, and I try to stop, and I will say I am sorry for being that way, and then they say it's okay, and I just go right back to acting like an idiot.

Maybe I need to go back to therapy...

Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 23, 2011 at 4:31 PM

    I think you are a normal girl who has a deeper range of emotions and feeling and you will be fine. Most people who want more loving deeper relationship act just like you. Some people arent dating types. Some arent relationship types. Some people cant commit even with a gun to their head. Its just how you are. and you have to see flaws in yourself or you will never try to better yourself or relationships. By the way, its Kris :)

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