Unwritten

So, this is a decision that I have toyed with off and on for, well, years now, but I think I am finally to the point in my life that I can devote myself to stand behind this decision. I am going to start living a healthier life. I'm tired of being sick and hurting all the time. I'm tired of being self-conscious about my body. I'm tired of not having any energy. If I am going to stand in front of rooms full of kids and attempt to inspire them, I want to inspire them to make healthy life choices. It's time to make a change. Today I joined Weight Watchers online, and tomorrow I am hitting up the gym for the first time. I think that now is the best time for me to start on this adventure because I know I am going to constantly be surrounded by people who will actively support me, and I am going to be spending most of my days busy instead of just hanging out around the house. Honestly, I'm kind of nervous because the last time I tried to go on a diet, I ended up not eatin...

Alright, so, I have a lot of things to say right now, but I am really exhausted. Let's hope this blog is still coherent in the morning light. Today 40 teachers were let go from the school system where I spent the majority of my pre-university years. First of all, I feel like I need to say that it really, REALLY sucks that teachers lost their jobs (we'll come back to the suckage later), but I also think that some people need to keep things in perspective. Avon's population has exploded in the last two decades. When I started school there in second grade, there were 4 elementary schools that housed K-6, 1 middle school, and 1 high school. Today (a mere 13 or so years later) there are, like, 7 or 8 elementary schools that house only K-4 and are still at max capacity, 2 intermediate schools, 2 middle schools, and 1 high school that has pretty much been undergoing expansions since it was opened. The Avon school system has done a phenomenal job keeping up with this rapid increase...

It is very lonely here. Lonely and empty and unnaturally quiet. This isn't the first time I've stayed in the Euclid house alone, but for some reason, knowing that I will never again live in this house with Kaitlyn and Cat makes being here alone very sad. In the few months I've lived here, this house has truly become a second home so much so that sometimes I couldn't decide whether I'd rather be here or home. It was a really big step for me to decide to move out of the dorms, but I am so glad I did. There is something about having a dream, fighting for your dream, and then watching as your dream comes true that changes your entire life in ways you never could have foreseen. Looking back on this last school year, I think it's very easy to see that I have changed in so many ways that I probably can't even recognize them all. The biggest way that comes to mind at the moment is the way I've handled my relationship with Ben. Anyone who has known me pre-BSU wou...

Earlier today, I tweeted something about Lent, and then I decided that my impression of this tradition is far too complicated to confine to tweets. Essentially, I do not understand the point of Lent the way that most people choose to celebrate it. I get the basics of it, you give up something for 40 days because Jesus wandered the desert for 40 days while fasting, and you want to show Him your love and devotion by giving up something of yours for Him. Here's the thing, though, after those 40 days, Jesus went out and began His ministry. His 40 days of fasting were in preparation for Him to give His life to the salvation of the world. The idea behind Lent is that if you give up these things that we don't realize we spend so much time doing, you can then devote that time and energy to God through service, prayer, devotional time, etc. Lent is supposed to be a time where you not just make a sacrifice of something you like but where you spend time reestablishing your connection with...

Children never cease to amaze me. I'm serious. One second I am so worn out and sick of telling them to check their props seventeen times, and then they get out there and steal the show and are doing just what I wanted them to do, and I can't help but love them and love what I'm doing. I would tell kids to go check their props every single night of my life as long as I got to sit in the audience and watch them succeed. And that is just this truly incredibly thing about the arts that kids can't really get in other subject areas. Their math gets better, they get better test scores, but who remembers the first time they did really well on a math test in elementary school? Probably very few people. These kids, though, they will remember what it felt like to come out at the end of the show and take a bow and hear the audience cheering for them. I can see how proud they are of themselves when they come up to me after a rehearsal. I mean, to see that one kid who is always just ...

Growing up, I tended to be one of those people who let my moods and emotions control me. You know those people I'm talking about: your stereotypical high school drama queen who sobbed in the hallways because her boyfriend of like 4 months broke up with her, and he was a big fat jerk. Yep. That was me. I'm not really sure why, but it never occurred to me that I had the power to control, perhaps not my emotions, but the way I react to him. Maybe that was because I needed to be medicated to actually be able to do that, but nonetheless, I think I am starting to realize that. Yesterday, I had a really tough day. There's so much going on with school work and my show and other commitments I've made, and it was all starting to pile on top of me. Combine that with my money being tight, being out of prints at the library, and my printer dying on me because it needed ink so badly, and I was suddenly set into an anxiety attack. Last night, I literally cried for about 3 hours. It wa...

Do you ever stop and consider how much different your life would be if you had just made 1 different decision in your life? For some reason, I woke up this morning pondering what my life would be like today if none of that drama had gone down, and everything would have been just like I imagined it would be, and I had stayed at Huntington, and I realized that I would be an entirely different person. I never would have met the people who have changed me so much in the last two years. There would be no Catherine or Kaitlyn or Holly or Grant or Angie or Noelle in my life. The professors who I have learned the most from, like Jen and Mike and Dr. Smith and Beth... they wouldn't exist to me. My relationship with my family would be completely different. I never would have met Ben, and we never would have fallen in love. Vanessa and I wouldn't be preparing to move into our apartment together in August. Some of the experiences that have come to define who I am never would have occurred...