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Through Different Eyes

"Now looking back on it all, it seems like I had learned everything I needed to know about life by the time I was sixteen. The problem was, I somehow forgot it all. Maybe if I could explain it to someone else; capture it all this way, and keep it folded up, filed away in a corner of my mind, I could keep from having to repeat the same mistakes.

There was drama, there was conflict... but for the most part, I was incredibly happy. I was happy because I had my friends, and I had love.

But high school ended, one day at a time. Months and years passed, and I grew more distant from each of my friends. Various people flew in and out of my life. I lost some friends to distance, some to circumstance. Mostly, they just drifted away from me, toward their own lives. A few of these people are still in my life, and I'm very lucky, because not everyone still has a friend who knew them when they were sixteen.

It wasn't exactly knowledge I had back then. It was just the sort of naive wisdom that comes from growing up with people, having their lives become entwined in yours. And then one day, you realize that even though in some ways you're still connected, in another way, all the strings have been cut. I still love those people who helped me define myself, but... it isn't the same. Everything is probably just as it should be, and yet... it can never be the way it was then."


I feel like I post this monologue a lot because I think it speaks a lot of truth about where I am in my life right now. There are so many things about the past and home that I hold onto for dear life like without them, I won't know who I am. In truth, though, by holding on all I'm doing is forcing myself to try and be two different people at the same time. I'm terrified of being the person I used to be, but I'm scared that the person I am now doesn't fit in here. I feel it sometimes, like when people are causing a fuss because they don't want the theatre to do a show that has cussing in it or when someone is being treated really unfairly, and I speak up and try to make a difference, but no one will speak up with me, just support me where the people who matter can't hear.

Maybe it's youthful ignorance that fuels the fire inside of me. More than once this summer have I been told that basically I need to grow up and learn a few things about the how the world really works, but if growing up means that I have to put my head down and accept that we're all powerless to make a difference, to make the world we live in a better place, then I want no part of it. So what if I have to upset some people and maybe even burn some bridges with those people who are so undeserving of the fear we have of them? The people holding the power now will continue to hold the power until the words of someone else overpower them.

No, I'm not talking about overthrowing the government and starting a revolution. I'm talking about the people we encounter in every day life, those people that everyone around you feels they're being mistreated by. Those are the people we have to stand up against, and those are the kind of people that all summer I have been warned to not stand up to. Well, I did it anyway even though people warned me, and even though my own mom wasn't even supporting me.

And I guess, that's why I'm so ready to go. There are people at school who understand the power that we have to affect change, and here, in Hendricks County, Indiana, people don't believe that anymore. Young people are seen as ignorant and disrespectful, but that's not true.

Just because I see the world through different eyes than people here, that doesn't mean my eyes are blind.

Comments

  1. Hi! Can you tell me where the monologue at the beginning is from, I'm thinking of using it for an audition. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete

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